When I was in 7th grade, a classmate of mine (who I think of as a bully) began speaking to me in a cartoon villain voice.
She didn't use physical force, but I had strong emotional reactions to her behavior. My reality was that I was being singled out as different and treated as though I was weak, defective, and less worthy.
The most humiliating moment I experienced was between classes when I had malabsorption (a stomach ache and indigestion). I left the bathroom stall, and in walked the one person in school who I had allowed to have the most emotional power over me.
She seized the opportunity and said in a condescending voice, her face scrunched up, suggesting, "Spraay!"
I knew then what it meant to be mortified. My face became hot, and I left the room.
Until recently, I've always felt sick thinking of this moment. A life coach helped me conclude some things about this experience:
- It taught me to value being kind to others, even if you didn't like them.
- I learned empathy and am more careful with how others might emotionally react to my words.
- People can only humiliate you if you believe you did something wrong.
- I played a role by making her behavior mean something about me: that I was bad, my body was bad, that I could not function properly in the world, that I didn't belong, and that I was an outsider.
I have used Byron Katie's The Work tool to question these shame-based beliefs. I then turned them around to focus on the parts of my brain that believe:
I am strong
I am enhanced
I am innately worthy
I am good
My body is good
I can function properly in the world
I belong
I am an insider
Post a moment that triggered your own feelings of shame around CF. How did you turn it around into an empowering mantra?
Thanks for reading,
Claire
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